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Archive for the ‘Healing’ Category

Recreation Re-creation

“We created a new…” He crosses it out. “We don’t create anything in science,” he says, in his usual condescending tone.

“But I like to create,” I think to myself, almost saying it out loud.

That was Monday. On Tuesday things changed. Well some things changed but some remained the same. The usual condescending tones were still present. Accusations were made. Truths were told. Feelings were unequally hurt. In the end, no real resolution.

Then came the stages of mourning. First disbelief. Did that really just happen? Then depression, followed by acceptance, relief, and finally liberation.

Fast forward to Saturday: race time. I pedal to the start line and see familiar faces. We all recall what we’ve experienced together. Fear, suffering, exhilaration. The starter says “go” and that is what I do. Hard. Two others follow, but I do the work. I don’t mind, knowing there is mutual respect.

In twenty one minutes the last four years have been erased. Recreation, perhaps. Re-creation, for sure.

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Mutual Understanding

I did something very difficult today. But it had to happen.

The feeling of worthlessness was beginning to be too much. Smiles were becoming more intermittent, puffy eyes and tears an all too common sight.

His take on it was different. I’m not focused. It was that simple.¬†Obviously a mutual understanding.

But to give him the benefit of the doubt, he hinted at me having some redeeming qualities, and he related to my feelings of frustration. ¬†“Five minutes of his time” turned into a much longer discussion.

Now I’m faced with the resignation letter. What is it that I have to say? Do I completely jump ship or do I gradually fade away?

My knee jerk reaction is to take the jump. But that is unlike me.

Perhaps that is why it is so tempting.

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When DNF Is Victory

I’m not a quitter; quitting is not in my nature. When I start something, I have to finish it. I have to do it all the way. There is no other way.

Right?

Perhaps my will to continue despite the circumstances is why I am where I am today.

But is this a good place? Is this where I want to be?

The answer is no, not completely.

So instead of continuing to fight this battle, I will step down and let others step in. I will not finish what I started.

It does not matter what others think or say. My DNF is victory today.

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